It has recently come to my attention, that you would like me to kill all the non-believers. I have given this matter much consideration; however I have noticed that none of the 2000 year old memos that you sent, seem to be in your hand writing. I’m not questioning your motives as I am aware that you “work in mysterious ways”. I am only looking to clarify a few of the finer point’s i.e.; should I stone them or what? I know this has been your preferred mode of execution in the past but, since your last communiqué, there have been many advancements in the field of death and destruction. We have been very busy down here you know. There were also some questions as to what you want done with the gays. Do you want me to kill all the gay people or just the ones who don’t believe in you? It’s all kind of confusing, and there are so many unanswered questions that I’m afraid we’ll have to set up a meeting to go over your plan in detail. I would be quite embarrassed if I got this wrong. The thought has occurred to me, that I may have been completely misinformed. Please have you secretary call me at your earliest convenience to set up an appointment. I look forward to our meeting and may the force be with you…Just kidding!
[You’re Name Here]